pondělí 25. ledna 2010

Vtipy o divkach z Essexu

Kdyz jsem ted bydlistem v hrabstvi Essex, vyptavaji se me kolegove, jestli znam vtipy o divkach z Essexu. Neznal jsem, poznal jsem. Jen ty vtipy...


an essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "how many children?" asks the council worker.
"10" replies the essex girl.
"10???" says the council worker, "what are their names?"
"wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne and wayne".
"doesn't that get confusing?"
"naah..." says the essex girl, "its great because if they are out playing in the street i just have to shout waayne, yer dinners ready or waayne go to bed now and they all do it".
"what if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"thats easy," says the essex girl "i just use their surnames".


an essex girl enters a sex shop and asks for a vibrator. the man says "choose from our range on the wall"
she says "i'll take the red one"
the man replies "thats a fire extinguisher"

a man is driving along the motorway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. he swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. the driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. the driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

a beautiful blonde woman who is driving past sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. she steps out of the car and asks the man whats wrong. "i feel terrible," he explains, "i accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." the blonde says, "dont worry." she runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.

she walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. the rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops off out of sight.

the man is astonished. he runs over to the woman and demands, "what is in that can? what did you spray on that rabbit?" the woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. it says 'hair spray - restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave'.


************
a par Q&A's

Q. What's the difference between an Essex man and an Essex girl?
A. The Essex girl has a higher sperm count.


Q. How does an Essex girl turn the light out after sex?
A. She shuts the Cortina's door

Q. Why does an Essex girl wear knickers?
A. To keep her ankles warm.

Q. Why is an Essex girl like an old washing machine?
A. They both drip when fucked.

Q. Why do Essex girls use tampons with long strings?
A. So the crabs can go bungy jumping.

***********

Pry se ale nedoporucuje tyhle vtipy vypravet v esexsskych hospodach.

1 komentář:

  1. ten prvni je dokonalej! :)
    nevedela jsem ze ma essex takovy image

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